A guided conversation for two
36 Questions to Fall in Love
Some conversations take years to get to. This one gets there on purpose: 36 questions in three stages, starting with the easy things and working gently toward the ones that matter. Each of you answers in your own words, then you read both sets of answers side by side.
Free · No sign-up · Answers stay private
Where the idea comes from
In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues published a study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin describing a way to build a sense of closeness between two strangers. Pairs took turns asking each other 36 questions, split into three sets that grew more personal, over about 45 minutes. Afterwards, they reported feeling closer to each other than pairs who had spent the same time on small talk.
The idea reached a much wider audience in 2015, when writer Mandy Len Catron described trying the questions on a date in the New York Times “Modern Love” column, under the headline “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” That's where the “fall in love” name comes from.
Worth knowing: the study measured closeness after a single conversation, not love. The questions here are our own, written for Sameeeish around the same idea — open up a little more with each stage. They aren't the questions from the study, and there's no score at the end.
How to play
Start the experience
You'll get the 36 questions one at a time, in three stages of 12. No account and no sign-up.
Answer in your own words
Take your time. Each answer saves as you go, and you can go back and change any of them before you finish.
Send your private link
When you've answered all 36, add your name and share the link with the person you're doing this with.
They answer the same questions
Same questions, same order. Neither of you can see the other's answers until you've both finished.
Read your conversation together
Both answers to every question, side by side, stage by stage. Then put the phones down and talk.
The three stages
Every conversation uses the same 36 questions in the same order, so you both answer exactly what the other one did.
Stage 1
Building a Connection
Light, personal questions to get comfortable — the places, habits, and small joys that make you who you are.
See all 12 questions
- What's a small, ordinary thing that reliably puts you in a good mood?
- Which place from your childhood can you still picture in detail?
- What's a skill or hobby you picked up that surprised the people around you?
- What does a really good weekend morning look like for you?
- What's a book, film, or song that arrived in your life at exactly the right moment?
- If you could spend a year living in another city, where would you go and why?
- What's something you're curious about right now and would love to learn more about?
- Who was the first friend you remember choosing for yourself, and what drew you to them?
- What's a compliment you received that you still think about?
- What's a tradition, big or small, that you'd like to keep for the rest of your life?
- What kind of moments make you lose track of time?
- What's something about where you grew up that you only appreciated after you left?
Stage 2
Going Deeper
Experiences, values, and memories — the moments and beliefs that have shaped you.
See all 12 questions
- What's a decision you made that changed the direction of your life?
- When did you last feel truly proud of yourself, and why did that moment matter?
- Which value do you try hardest to live by, even when it's inconvenient?
- What's a lesson you learned the hard way that you're now grateful for?
- Who taught you the most about how to treat other people, and how did they teach you?
- What's something you believed strongly a few years ago that you see differently now?
- What helps you feel at home when you're somewhere unfamiliar?
- What's a fear you've grown out of, and what helped you move past it?
- When you're going through something difficult, what do you most need from the people around you?
- When did a stranger's kindness stay with you long after the moment passed?
- What part of your everyday life would you protect no matter how busy you got?
- What do you hope people feel after spending time with you?
Stage 3
Growing Closer
Feelings, hopes, and what you see in each other — the questions that ask for a little more openness.
See all 12 questions
- What's something you rarely say out loud but often feel?
- When do you feel most like yourself around another person?
- What's a part of yourself you're still learning to accept?
- What's a hope for your future that you don't often share?
- How do you usually show someone you care, and how do you most like to be cared for?
- What's a question you wish more people asked you?
- What makes it hard for you to let people in, and what makes it easier?
- What does feeling truly understood look like for you?
- When did you last feel really close to someone, and what made it feel that way?
- What's something you appreciate about the person you're answering these questions with?
- What's something you'd love the two of you to experience together?
- What's one thing you'd like them to know about you that hasn't come up yet?
Ready when you are
Answer first, then send the link. You'll read each other's answers once you've both finished.
Questions people ask
No list of questions can promise that. The original study found that pairs of strangers felt closer after working through its questions than pairs who spent the same time on small talk — it didn't test whether anyone fell in love. Think of it as a structured way into a conversation you might not otherwise have.
No. These are original questions written for Sameeeish, built on the same idea: start light and go a little deeper with each stage. If you'd like to read the research version, look up Aron and colleagues' 1997 paper, “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness.”
In the original study, pairs had about 45 minutes for all three sets of questions, asked out loud. Writing your answers usually takes a bit longer, so many people spread it over an evening. Your answers save as you go, so you can stop and pick up where you left off on the same browser.
It sits in our Dating & Couples section and works just as well for a first date as for a long relationship. But the questions suit any two people who want to know each other better, close friends included.
Only the two of you. Your answers are tied to your private link and the browser you answered on, and neither of you can see the other's answers until you've both finished. Nothing you write appears on this page or anywhere public, and there's no account to create.
No. This isn't a compatibility test, so there's no percentage, rating, or verdict. What you get is your conversation: both of your answers to every question, side by side.
Yes. One easy way: each of you answers on your own phone, then sit down together with your finished conversation and go through it question by question, reading your answers out loud and talking about them.